Before I get started, let me put out a disclamer:
I'm NOT looking for sympathy!
I'm NOT looking for money!
In fact, my situation isn't as bad as the situations of others with this disease. The stories I hear are heartbreaking. They make me feel guilty for stressing.
So, if I intend to share my story to help create better awareness of this disease, then I need to share all of my story.
As I have mentioned before, my most important medication costs over $700 a month. Then there are the co-pays for my other meds, and the cost of the probiotics and supplements. My husband isn't taking injections, but still he has co-pays and the cost of probiotics and supplements.
My daughters both have appointments with a lyme literate doctor this month. Thankfully Pay A Dime For Lyme helps pay for the trip down. Their intial appointments this month cost $400 a piece, and the testing is $260 a piece. My youngest has had her appointment and has started treatment. Her medicine and supplements are costing us about $250 a month. The doctor would like to see her on injections because she has some neurological symptoms, but we just can't afford it.
Because of all the medical expenses this month, and because I refuse for my girls to wait and get as sick as me before they get treatment, I decided to stop my injections for a while and switch to oral medication. My doctor isn't thrilled about this switch because it will just prolong my treatment, but I have no choice.
On top of all this, we have just found out we have to move. We now have to pay the deposit and first and last months rent at our new home as well as continue to pay on this lease until June. The new landlord has worked with us a bit, but we still have had to pay a lot up front.
Because of the need to put money towards a move, I haven't even purchased my oral medication yet. I'm still taking my meds for my co-infections, but my new insurance doesn't kick in till May 1st. The Healthy Maine RX plan has helped a lot with covering the cost of medication but my knew oral medication isn't cheap!
So, here I sit, trying not to worry. Worrying makes the lymie even more sick! Stress can seriously set you back. I have held on to my faith that God knows my need before I do and already has a plan, but I'm struggling with making decisions. Should I keep all my kids appointments and just buy the medicine and wait for God to supply? Should I wait for God to supply first? The girls are functioning, should I have waited to have them seen? Should I decide not to buy the meds at all until after we move and trust that either God will divinely heal me, or at least keep me stable, or even accept that God may have it in His Divine Plan to allow me to become ill again. I don't know.
What I do know is that I have slipped backwards, I'm having a hard time thinking clearly, which is make decision making difficult. Treating bartonella is causing me to have anxiety, as anxiety is a symptom of bartonella. So it's hard to know what anxiety is caused by the bartonella and what is caused by my worrying. I am having headaches and pain which further hampers my ability to think clearly.
I just don't know what to do.
A lyme friend pointed out there is a reason Lymies are called lyme warriors, this is a disease that requires a warrior spirit to overcome!
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