Don't think my lack a posts is a sign I'm not feeling well. I know, I know, in a prior post I said just the opposite, but the unfortunate thing about lyme is there is a complete lack of consistency when it comes to presenting symptoms.
I actually have had only two bad days since Thursday. A bad day is a day where I am so lethargic I can't barely motivate myself to meet my own basic needs. Even if I tried to get up my body wouldn't work and allow me to cook or do a chore. These are days where I sit in the recliner and am only able to think about how helpless I am. If I were to lose my home or my husband I wouldn't even be able to motivate myself to get to the homeless shelter let alone figure out how to get myself help.
A good day is a day in which my body isn't aching, I'm awake and alert, my mood is positive and I have the desire to be productive. I am able to move around the house almost normally. I can cook my own lunch and get my own meds. I can do a load of laundry and pick the dog toys up off the rug. I think I am beginning to have more good days then bad thanks to the antibiotics. Unfortunately, having a good day and being able to do some general activities that take little thought doesn't mean I'm better.
I'm finding that I'm now more aware of the neurological symptoms. These are the symptoms that antibiotics in pill form won't touch. It will take shots, or IV antibiotics to break the blood brain barrier and start eradicating the lyme bacteria from my central nervous system.
This morning is an excellent example of the struggle I have with these symptoms. I woke up feeling relatively normal. I didn't feel the need to have a morning nap like I usually do after my second dose of meds. Instead I got up and headed toward the bathroom to shower with hopes of accomplishing a long to do list of tasks I had been saving for a good day. While in the shower I started to go over the to do list in my head. Very quickly I felt a mild seizure coming on. I then had to stop thinking and start emptying my mind, breathing slowly, so that I could relax and not have a seizure in the bathroom. Once I regained control of my body I finished my morning routine and returned to the couch physically and mentally exhausted. Unfortunately, the mere use of my brain to organize tasks by priority was to overstimulating. So here I sit, attempting to write this blog instead.
Writing this blog is extremely difficult. I have to stop and stare at the wall every couple of sentences to regain focus. Usually ideas flow from my brain to my fingers with ease but instead I am finding it difficult to retrieve the word I want to use from my brain and put it into the sentence. Actually, that's when I try to figure out what I want to say in each sentence. I've spent more time staring at the wall then I have typing.
So, my initial motivation to get things done today has been beat out my the lyme bacteria hanging out in my head. Not only does organized thought trigger seizures, but something as simple as writing a blog has worn me out.
Watching TV is difficult as well. I hear the people talking, but struggle to process what they said. Reading is a slow and laborious process for me too. I am finding that the only activity I can consistently do is play Candy Crush....that should tell you how little brain effort that game takes.
The good news is I am FEELING better. I am just not functional yet. The side affects of antibiotics aren't fun but I am so ready to get better I don't mind.
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